Quick Loans I Need Money Quick. How Do I Apply For Loans And/or New Credit Cards If Unemployed?

I need money quick. How do I apply for loans and/or new credit cards if unemployed? - quick loans

I need money quickly.
Want to hire you and / or new credit cards.
They have a high degree of credit risk, credit risk, but a thin story.
600 and 700.

What effect, if I consider myself a list of the unemployed?
Or to put it and the list of past employers? [Crime? Released without punishment?]
Or, say, a freelance writer (make money with oDesk, etc.)